The Life & Times of an Auteur.

Commentary on Pop Culture, and maybe creating some of my own.

Wednesday, October 6, 2010

Transformers: The Dark Side Of The Moon

So, that's the title of the new "Transformers" movie that Michael Bay is imposing on us. "The Dark Side Of The Moon." I wish Pink Floyd could sue over this.

Allow me, if you will, to post what will likely be an entirely accurate synopsis of this movie.

* Shia Laboof's life moves forward. Nobody cares.
* The government are dicks to Autobots for no reason.
* The Decepticons are led by a returning Megatron AND another guy who was a badass in the comics but will most likely die like a bitch in the movie.
* They launch random attacks so Bay can masturbate furiously to giant robot carnage, and this causes the government to be even bigger dicks and betray the Autobots.
* The soldiers from the first movie GO ROGUE to help them, Shia Laboof and his love interest beat the Decepticons to the ancient MacGuffin that's never been mentioned before but was hidden on or near Earth thousands of years ago in the most convoluted interplanetary history retcon yet.

Oh, there's one new thing though. NASCAR robots made by the military. Because when I think of the US Armed Forces, I think NASCAR. My prediction: they're going to be redneck stereotypes in an attempt to "counterbalance" the ghetto stereotypes in RoTF, and be just as obnoxiously retarded. Think Cartman in tonight's new "South Park" episode, but as a robot.

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