The Life & Times of an Auteur.

Commentary on Pop Culture, and maybe creating some of my own.

Thursday, March 17, 2011

Coop Yells at Supervillains!

So, what would he say to other well known supervillains? If you can guess who all of these people are, consider yourself a true geek.

1. "Listen up you massive, stone-faced freak! You enslaved my planet, broke down reality, Jamie won't stop muttering about how 'you are', and you made Kiva wear some sort of kinky tiki mask... and worst of all, you did all of this with some lame math equation! Really, what kind of a loser conquers the universe with MATH?! Now, on behalf of me and everyone else who flunked algebra... you're going DOWN!"

2. "Alright you purple winged bitch. You tried to kill all us humans, shot lasers at my robot with a bazooka, AND you are an even bitchier red-head than Kiva! Now, it's payback time. I'm clipping your wings!"

3. "Listen up, you greasy clown! You spray painted my robot, blew up the hospital my mom was staying at, AND your magic trick didn't make me laugh! You're going down. Hard!"

4. "Shut Up you singing, musical spawning, wimp! You sent innocent people to attack us, hypnotized Kiva to do your bidding, AND YOU MADE ME DANCE! Well guess what, time to close the curtain on you!"

5. "Alright you fat, pig faced, little snot! You called me a stupid Jew, you crapped on my robot, AND you ground Jamie up into chili and fed him to me! Prepare to finally get spanked!"

6. "Alright you shapeshifting master of evil, you unleashed an unspeakable evil, tore open a portal in time, AND you sent the pizza delivery guy to the pit of hate! NOBODY gets between me and my large stuffed-crust with sausage and jalapenos!"

7. "Listen up you little, green elf! You threw Kiva off a bridge, you pumpkin bombed GameStop, and..."
*Jamie interrupts* "And, you knocked Gwen up before I could date her!"

8. "Alright you racist Kraut! You shot up that girl's family, you strangled that hottie to death, AND you ate the last piece of cake at the banquet. Now, I'm going to give you something that's permanent!"

9. "Listen up you has-been of a movie director. You ripped off "Ferngully," stole from "The Smurfs," AND you made me pay $15 to see a "Dances With Wolves" knock-off in 3D! Well here comes a metal massacre you can use in your next movie!!!!!"*

10. "That's it, you jerk. You ripped a hole in time, destroyed my favorite hangout, shrunk Goat, and your tried to steal my ride. I am going to knock your butt into next year."

11. "All right you effeminate insect wannabe, first you parked your cocoon in Megas's space, then you sent your terror midgets to scare Jamie and then you end up trashing my favorite all you can eat pizza buffet trying to find this scientist guy? You are going down."

12. "That's it you insane squid in a can, first you scratched up my robot, then you tried to remove Jamie's eye because he failed you as a minion." *Turns to Jamie.* "What was that all about?"
Jamie: "Never mind you are on a roll."
"Oh yeah, and whats worse you tried to erase the existence of their main world and trying to keep my favorite cartoon from ever happening. Now it's personal."

13. "You arrogant greedy dirt bag. First you made me waste money on a lame disaster flick, then you made me queasy with all of your shakey camera action and you destroy my childhood and made all giant robots look bad, you are so going down."

14. "Alright bucket head! You threatened those wussies at the UN! Tore out that short dude's metal skeleton! And you fried my computer's hard drive with your powers!"
Jamie: "Uh Coop, you do know your antivirus software is way out of date. is full of viruses and crap."
"Shut up, Jamie."

15. "That's it! You spider freaks killed that weird looking juke box guy! You destroyed that planet! AND YOU DIDN'T GIVE ME A KFC BUCKET WHEN YOU ASKED ME WHAT I WANT! You're going down. You're going down, hard!"

16. "Listen up, baldy! You tried to nuke the west coast! You were the worst President in history! AND YOU STOLE FORTY CAKES! THOSE WERE MY CAKES! Let's dance!"

17. "Alright snake man! You tried to kill a little kid! You shot a magic skull and snake over the sky above the Burger King! AND YOU KILLED EDWARD CULLEN!"
Jamie: "Isn't that last one a public service?"
"Yes, well... that doesn't make up for Burger King."

18. "I can't take this anymore, you pink sock head! You tried to kill Captain America! You unleashed a bunch of dough blobs on the Statue of Liberty! AND... I'm sorry, that pink sock you wear on your head is just weird looking. And what's with that dalmation fur?"

*"...But "Aliens" kicked ass!" after the entire city has been decimated and James Cameron has been destroyed five times over.


  1. I think I got most of them:

    1. Darkseid
    2. Demona
    3. Joker (Dark Knight)
    4. Music Meister (I think)
    5. Cartman
    6. Aku
    7. Green Goblin
    8. Don't know
    9. James Cameron
    10. Don't know
    11. Monarch
    12. Shredder (2003 version)
    13. Michael Bay
    14. Magneto
    15. I got nothing
    16. Lex Luthor
    17. Voldemort (pure guess since I've never read or seen Harry Potter)
    18. Baron Zemo

    15 out of 18 isn’t bad.

  2. Yup.

    8. is Colonel Hans Landa from "Inglourious Basterds"
    10. is the Master from Dr. Who
    15. are the Shadows from "Babylon 5"

  3. Well here are my best guesses, I haven't looked at any of the posts above me.

    1: Darkseid

    2: Demona

    3: Joker

    4: The Music Meister

    5: Cartman

    6: No idea

    7: Green Goblin

    8: Red Skull

    9: James Cameron

    10: No idea

    11: Queen Slug-for-a-Butt

    12: The Shredder

    13: Michael Bay

    14: Magneto

    15: The Shadows

    16: Lex Luthor

    17: Lord Voldemort

    18: Baron Zemo

  4. Aww man, I can't believe I didn't get the Monarch.

  5. Personally, I'd think a better yell at the Master would be.

    "Alright theater geek! You turned Jamie into Gollum, killed the President with your chrome balls, and made me listen to Scissor Sisters! It's on now, buddy!"

  6. "Alright you fat, pig faced, little snot! You called me a stupid Jew, you crapped on my robot, AND you ground Jamie up into chili and fed him to me! Prepare to finally get spanked!"

    He's not a villain, he did what most of us would do in his shoes if we had command of dark lord Cthulhu, KILL JUSTIN BIEBER!

    Also how come M. Night Shayamalan got off w/out a scratch?