The Life & Times of an Auteur.

Commentary on Pop Culture, and maybe creating some of my own.

Thursday, March 31, 2011

Season Two of "V."

Last year, I wrote a review for the first season of "V." I called it a good show that could be a great show and said that I was anticipating the second season. Well, what we got instead was a pretty bad show.

I will start with the two big flaws.

Throughout the first season, we never knew why the Visitors (the Vs) came to Earth. They said it was to help us, but we never knew their true reasons. In season two, we learned that their agenda was to breed with us. The Vs came all the way to Earth. God knows how many light years. More than five hundred mother ships. The entire species. To FUCK our women! They came all the way to Earth to fuck our women. Why couldn't they have just grabbed a few, cloned them, and then been on their happy way? If they are so good at genetics, why can't they use their own females? When your plot is something that gets mocked on a regular basis by "Mystery Science Theater 3000," I'm not going to take you seriously.

In the original series, I believe they came to Earth for our water. That makes so much more sense.

The second big flaw was the relationship between our protagonist, Erica Evans, and her son, Retarded Cockstain. As I said last time, they made Retarded Cockstain such an unlikeable, and downright hateful piece of shit, that you wanted him to get killed violently. In fact, there were only two moments watching this season that made me smile. First, when Erica slapped him in the face because he was being a dick. And then at the end when Retarded Cockstain got murdered by Fake-Lisa. Yes, Retarded Cockstain got killed, and we all cheered. And you know what, we weren't supposed to be cheering. We were supposed to be worried for him. That scene was supposed to be tragic. It wasn't. It was funny, and made you want to drink your beer. And Erica's relationship with her son was the entire emotional crux of the show.

The plot failed, and the emotional crux failed.

Not to mention the entire series often feels like one giant cliche. Okay, Erica's estranged husband comes back into their lives, to help her get Retarded Cockstain away from the Vs. And it looks like he and Erica are going to get back together. I look at my watch and give him fifteen minutes to live. He's dead in ten.

Hardly any of the characters are the least bit likable. Erica remains as bland as she ever was. I was hoping she would come into her own this season, but she doesn't. There is really nothing that makes me care about this character. The one emotional crux is failure, and beyond that she is your designated protagonist.

Anna was a well done antagonist in the first season, but she's become so invincible, it's getting boring. At this point, it's all so contrived, she could steal an infant out of a stroller from a widow, and eat its head like an apple on live television and people would still think she's the greatest thing ever. It was well done in the first season, now it feels absolutely contrived. The saddest thing about it is that Erica and Anna are perfect foils for each other, but it's just being so poorly done.

God, I hate the reporter. For being a member of the Fifth Column, he does absolutely nothing to help them and everything to help Anna. I understand it's a case of keeping your enemies close. But this is just asinine.

And then there is Joshua, a member of Fifth Column who serves as a scientist on Anna's mother ship. Anna orders him to grow her new queen egg to replace her daughter, Lisa. Okay, he grows the egg, he gives her skin. And then, he does NOTHING to stop her from killing Retarded Cockstain. And on top of that, why go through decades of preparation only to have him fuck her and die? They could have slapped him in a tank and milked his jizz for multiple inseminations.

This season, we were also introduced to Anna's mother, Diana. The previous queen of the Vs, who Anna overthrew and locked away, and told her people was dead. Diana had a lot of potential and I was digging her up until her very, very stupid death.

Diana plans to take back her people, while Anna is assassinated while down in the city. Diana escapes from her cell, and gathers her people together in a huge room. There were hundreds of them in there. She is making her speech, and then Anna and her entourage sneak up behind her, and Anna impales her on her tail. That really annoyed me. Doesn't Diana have any hearing? She can't hear Anna and her goons walking up behind her. None of the hundreds of people reacted? How did Anna sneak up on her? They were all standing on a HUGE platform. Oy, just another example of just how contrived this show is.

We find out we have a secret cabal under Manhattan of top brass and officials who know the Vs are lying. And they do NOTHING!!!!!!! They don't even fire a scud at them, blame terrorists, and use it as a ruse to test their defenses. We had no hint of such a group.

Oh, and the final twist. They make a huge deal about how only queens can bliss people. Anna can't do it to humans without it killing her, but all of a sudden and magically, the hybrid who is half human and not a queen can do it? Really? So, Ryan's half-human daughter who has been brainwashed into thinking Anna is her mommy blisses every human on the planet, leading to our cliffhanger.

Is there anything about the show that I like? Well, I liked the priest. I did like when Anna forged her alliance with the Roman Catholic Church, I thought that was pretty clever.

"V" is a show that makes me angry. I wanted it to be a good show. The first season, in spite of its flaws, was so very intriguing. But this? I'm sorry, but I doubt even killing off Retarded Cockstain will be enough to bring me back for a third season. But, it doesn't look like there is going to be a third season. ABC has yet to renew the series, so for all intents and purposes Anna wins.

EDIT: "V" was cancelled. Anna wins.

1 comment:

  1. "In the original series, I believe they came to Earth for our water. That makes so much more sense."

    As completely mock worthy as the "Mars Needs Women" plot is, the original V's coming to steal our precious fluids is also pretty silly from a science standpoint.

    Water is one of the most bountiful substances in the universe even if it exists mostly in the form of ice. Saturn's rings are mostly ice, as are most comets. It'd be much easier for the Vs to just mine these vast and undefended H2O supplies then bother with some convoluted world domination scheam.

    Still, "FUCK our women" isn't much of an improvement.