Thursday, December 8, 2011
The New Christmas Icon!
Santa Claus is an overplayed corporate shill. Anyone who has ever worked retail for Christmas knows what I'm talking about when I say that the holidays are broken. I don't know how fixable they are, but I say we start with a new icon. A new face.
I nominate the Ghost of Christmas Yet to Come.
Oh, don't give me that look. He's perfect! He's exactly what we need! And, as a proud American citizen and somebody who is always right, let me explain why in two easy reasons.
1. The modern Santa Claus was invented by Coca Cola. I think this holiday would be better represented by a creation of Charles Dickens.
Now, I have nothing against Coca Cola. As a caffeine junkie, I thank Coca Cola for sustaining me all my life. But they're not my go to company for Christmas.
2. What does Santa Claus represent? Let me sum it up: Buy! Buy! Buy! If you love their kids, you will buy them everything in FAO Schwartz! Or else you're worthless! And you retail slaves, you will work late on Christmas Eve and you will like it! Oh, don't like it? Well, enjoy Christmas at the homeless shelter!
What does the Ghost of Christmas Yet to Come represent? Don't be a dick, and treat your fellow human beings with care, respect and dignity or I'll show you a future where everyone is glad you're dead and chuck you into your own grave.
The Ghost of Christmas Yet to Come! The proper choice for decent minded people.