The Life & Times of an Auteur.

Commentary on Pop Culture, and maybe creating some of my own.

Thursday, December 8, 2011

The New Christmas Icon!

Santa Claus is an overplayed corporate shill. Anyone who has ever worked retail for Christmas knows what I'm talking about when I say that the holidays are broken. I don't know how fixable they are, but I say we start with a new icon. A new face.

I nominate the Ghost of Christmas Yet to Come.

Oh, don't give me that look. He's perfect! He's exactly what we need! And, as a proud American citizen and somebody who is always right, let me explain why in two easy reasons.

1. The modern Santa Claus was invented by Coca Cola. I think this holiday would be better represented by a creation of Charles Dickens.

Now, I have nothing against Coca Cola. As a caffeine junkie, I thank Coca Cola for sustaining me all my life. But they're not my go to company for Christmas.

2. What does Santa Claus represent? Let me sum it up: Buy! Buy! Buy! If you love their kids, you will buy them everything in FAO Schwartz! Or else you're worthless! And you retail slaves, you will work late on Christmas Eve and you will like it! Oh, don't like it? Well, enjoy Christmas at the homeless shelter!

What does the Ghost of Christmas Yet to Come represent? Don't be a dick, and treat your fellow human beings with care, respect and dignity or I'll show you a future where everyone is glad you're dead and chuck you into your own grave.

The Ghost of Christmas Yet to Come! The proper choice for decent minded people.


  1. I think we need Krampus instead. Bring the fear back into Christmas.

  2. The Krampus can be the Ghost of Christmas Future's sidekick. Bad Cop and Worse Cop. ;)

  3. Better yet, All Three Spirits should be the new icon of the season. They represent all that is good about Christmas.

  4. I was sooo going to suggest the Woodland Critter Creatures as the "Worse Cop" for Ghost of Christmas Yet to Come ;)

  5. Entertaining. Except for the always right part. There is only one being in existance that I believe is always right. Dr. Stephen T. Colbert!

    But Ghost of Christmas future can't be the icon of Christmas. Can you imagine the lawsuit "Death" would sick upon us. In fact I'm surprised he didn't try to sue Charles Dickens for ripping him off. :)

  6. Ah, but the Ghost of Christmas Future already IS an icon. Charles Dickens' A Christmas Carol is the most re-done of any and all Christmas stories. ;)

  7. I suppose what I mean is, I want to see ol' Future here in shopping malls, kids sitting on his lap, and on street corners ringing bells! ;)

  8. You know who's better than this ghoul and Mr. Claus?


  9. Damn, someone beat me to it already. -Rob