The Life & Times of an Auteur.

Commentary on Pop Culture, and maybe creating some of my own.

Sunday, March 27, 2016

Zack Snyder Is a Piece of Shit


I just came home from "Batman Vs. Superman: Dawn of Justice", and I am going to open this up by saying that it was the most miserable movie going experience of my life. And I didn't expect it to be. I watched reviews, read reviews, I knew just about everything going into it. Well, most things. I felt like I had already seen it, so I figured that I could enjoy it as a bad movie and laugh at it's ineptitude. And while there were a handful of moments where I did exactly that, I was mostly denied.

The cast was mostly fine. Ben Affleck turned in a good performance in a movie that ended up failing him. Cavill, well, he's awful. I'd need to see more of Gal Gadot to formulate an opinion, because she didn't get to do anything of note... she didn't need to be in this movie. Jesse Eisenberg was the worst villain I've ever seen in a comic book movie... I don't know what the hell he was trying to do there, I think they may have been trying to replicate Heath Ledger's Joker but they failed miserably.

You remember the dark age of comic books? The 90's? When everything had to be darkness, death, destruction, carnage, and nihilism to show the world how "kewl", "mature", and "badass" comics were. Those comics were all terrible, they are a stain on the industry. Well, Zack Snyder took that era and made a movie out of it... though it felt less like a movie and more like three hours of a forty-year-old pretentious fanboy crashing his action figures against each other.

There is so much to say, it's almost all been said. I could drone on and on about Batman murdering people (but, if so, why is the Joker still alive?) Or Lex Luthor's jar of piss. The awful soundtrack. The fact that Superman kills someone on screen and a few scenes later says he didn't kill anybody. Um, were the editors watching the movie? There were no establishing shots, scenes just switched in a jumbled and confused manner. There was absolutely no reason for Wonder Woman to be there besides setting up her movie, and she didn't really do anything.

And it was boring. My god, it was boring. The movie just kept going and it refused to end.

But I'm going to mention something that I haven't seen get brought up. There's a character in it who survived the destruction of the Wayne Tower in Metropolis, but lost his legs in the process. The event is treated like September 11th. This man is treated like a 9/11 survivor. He visits a memorial for those lost before vandalizing a Superman statue in red paint with the words 'FALSE GOD' and immediately, he's arrested and charged with making a terrorist threat. Um, he vandalized a statue. If I go to the Lincoln Memorial and spray paint it with pro-Confederate bullshit I'm not getting charged with making a terrorist threat. He's later bailed out by Lex Luthor who turns him into a suicide bomber for an attack on the Capitol... and yes, this man does it willingly. Zack Snyder took a character he depicted as an expy of a September 11th survivor and turned him into a suicide bomber.



I don't know how it happened, I don't know how he did it; but it happened, he did it. Zack Snyder managed to prove himself to be worse than Michael Bay. It's amazing. It's tremendous. There are not enough adjectives in the world. Allow me to explain: Michael Bay is a juvenile sleaze that has no idea how to construct a story, flesh out characters, or direct action sequences that cohere. Michael Bay's audience consists of angry, young, horny white teenage boys looking for something to masturbate to. That's Bay's audience. Bay admits it. Bay wears it on his sleeve. Bay doesn't care. Zack Snyder, on the other hand, makes his movies for the exact same audience, but insists he is some artistic genius. Zack Snyder is a pretentious asshole, he's Michael Bay if Bay deluded himself into thinking he's Stanley Kubrick. But he's not. He's just some schmo. A deeply stupid schmo.


Snyder says that he is depicting these characters as they truly are. But if you thought Superman murdering Zod was bad, this Batman kills people. A lot of people. Dozens of people. He wields a gun, holds a man hostage with it, and then shoots the gas tank on a man’s flamethrower, killing him. I'm pretty sure that Batman's refusal to kill is one of the central aspects of his entire character. Because if it isn't, and he does kill then I ask again why is the Joker still alive in this universe?

Snyder must have caught some WB higher ups with their dicks in some kids. I'm 100% certain this is how he's still getting work. The fact that his next dream project is an adaptation of Ayn Rand's "The Fountainhead" explains so much.



When "Man of Steel" came out, my response to it provoked some negative reactions. I was even accused of taking perverse pleasure at the thumping it was taking. I actually wasn't, but I am now. I do admit it. I love that this movie is being trashed. I love that the reviews are scathing. I love that in all likelihood, while it will have a strong opening weekend, word of mouth and terrible reviews are going to sink it. This movie is heading towards an under-performance that is sure to disappoint the suits at Warner Bros. Board members are likely having meetings as we speak, as they have a five year financial plan depending on a DC Cinematic Universe. Someone's head is going to roll. Who's? Considering all of the criticism centers on the fact that they put an incompetent charlatan in charge as their guiding hand, probably Snyder's.

The worst thing about this is that I do not want these movies to fail. Yes, I understand that my hatred of Superman is a matter of public record but I also believe that competition is a good thing. Good movies based on DC characters mean Marvel ups their game to make better movies, and then DC does the same. DC's movies are awful, meanwhile Marvel Studios is getting way too cocky for their own good.



Here's the thing though. I love Batman. And while I don't like Superman, and I'm indifferent to Wonder Woman... I recognize that these are three of the most iconic characters in the world. They mean a lot to many people. Those people deserve to have good movies about these icons. It might not be my thing, but their fans deserve to receive what I, as a Captain America fan, am currently getting. They deserve to receive what I, as a Gargoyles fanatic, could only dream of having.

As we left the theater, my brother and I overheard a woman who saw it with her husband say the following:

"That movie was choppy, dreadful, and pretentious! I don't even like superheroes and I felt bad for people that do!"

And that's how I feel. Superman fans, let me extend a hand of friendship to you and say that while I don't like your hero, you deserve better. I want you to have better. An icon deserves better. He doesn't deserve Zack Snyder. Nobody deserves Zack Snyder.

At the end of the day "Batman Vs Superman: Dawn of Justice" is a deeply stupid and offensive movie made by a deeply stupid man.



24 comments:

  1. Very well said. To add to that, I personally have been bothered by Zack Snyder's behavior in the time leading up to BvS' release. His recent comments where he compared Force Awakens to Man of Steel may have been the last straw for me. Now, I partly don't want to see BvS out of principle. The fact that so much of this two and a half hour movie is considered an unpleasant experience has only strengthened my resolve to stay away.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. He also assumed the no kill thing of Batman's came from Burton's Batman movies. Which last I checked the guy blew up a factory with flunkies inside, crippled both sets of flunkies including killing a dude by throwing him off a bell tower, killed the Joker, burned a dude, killed the Penguin and ones I'm probably forgetting.

      And really though, this movie may just prove that Batman has always been inherently a fascist superhero according to a friend of mine.

      Delete
    2. People who love the Burton films will bring up the fact that Batman has used guns and killed in the comics before in order to defend Batman's portrayal in those movies. It just comes down to personal preference. I find Batman more interesting, especially from a psychological perspective, when the character has a "no guns, no killing" rule. Most of my favorite Batman stories have the character be against guns, and all of my favorite Batman stories have the character be against killing. I was looking forward to a solo Batman film that would be directed by and starring Ben Affleck, but if we're following a Batman who uses guns and kills, I'm not sure I want that movie anymore.

      Delete
    3. In fairness with the Burton films, it fits with the tone of those movies. This however seems like Snyder thinking it equals cool for whatever reason.

      Delete
    4. Tim Burton at least admitted in interviews that he didn't understand the character of Batman. Zack Snyder always gives different rationalizations for why he made the choices he did in Man of Steel and BvS.

      Delete
  2. Haven't seen this yet, but I imagine my friend will pay for my ticket. I'm going in with no expectations, obviously.


    I still thought MoS was okay, not as good as it should have been but okay. Heavily flawed when it didn't have to be. I still thought it could have been done better. Because of Ben Affleck's involvement, I had some hope this movie would be better. I'm not happy it likely isn't.


    I don't think Snyder should get the lion's share of the blame. David Goyer has not done a decent script outside the Dark Knight Trilogy just like Snyder hasn't directed a decent film since Watchmen and in my opinion 300.


    Snyder seems to be a grownup teenage Liefeld fanboy who has not mentally matured. Goyer is a guy who clearly isn't even a fan of comic books yet because he flucked into getting a partnership with an up-and-coming still director like Christopher Nolan he's been given the blueprints while Snyder was given the keys.


    Snyder and Goyer have had their chance to make winning cars, but instead created Pintos. Nolan should have been the driver. If they couldn't get him, there were plenty others that could make something more feasible.



    At any rate, thank God we still have Captain America 3 in two months. I have no doubt that will wash away the debris left behind in BvS's wake. If I'm WB, I would take careful notes in watching it, everything they should have done will be laid out before them in that movie.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. I hear George Miller isn't directing anything.

      Delete
  3. Sadly, I doubt word of mouth will sink this movie. If Revenge of the Fallen didn't sink after opening weekend...

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Maybe: http://www.forbes.com/sites/robcain/2016/03/28/batman-v-superman-sets-record-with-worst-friday-sunday-drop-for-superhero-pics/#642e02196d72

      Delete
  4. Wow. I didn't even hear about the "terrorist attack survivor turned terrorist" thing until now and learning of that just appalled me. And if you're offering your support and condolences to offended Superman fans, you know the movie and the guy who made it must be beyond awful.

    So if Snyder's worse than Bay, I take it that "it was the most miserable movie going experience of my life" means that this might have just topped Revenge Of The Fallen? Please say it ain't so!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Much worse than ROTF. MUCH WORSE!

      Delete
    2. Good lord, we are indeed facing end times.

      I'd think that Snyder just became the Devil of the film industry, but I don't want to be too mean to the Devil.

      Delete
  5. Zack Snyder: Good with visuals, crap with everything else.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. I don't even like his visuals. I challenged Snyder to come up with one shot... one shot better than this from a TV show with barely a fraction of the budget.

      https://scontent-lga3-1.xx.fbcdn.net/hphotos-xpf1/v/t1.0-0/p206x206/1936154_10154044572748615_6937627917417573976_n.jpg?oh=4ad9a8bfc05c91dedf7665547e6b58aa&oe=577C3087

      He couldn't even do that!

      Delete
  6. Haven't seen the film myself yet. And one thing I question is what's the point of even teaming them up in the continuity?

    Yeah they have different powers, but with Superman basically being a darker hero, I question if his interaction with Batman could be interesting/is interesting with the lack of opposite personalities.

    ReplyDelete
  7. I haven't seen the movie, but my brother has. While he's not the comic savvy as I am. I wouldn't have known from what he said about it, "It's the kind of movie that makes me want to build a time machine and then USE IT to go back in time to sabotage Zack Snyder's filmmaking career."

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. You know I loved the Dawn of the Dead remake so it pains me to see this is what Snyder's career has come to.

      Delete
  8. Like I can maybe see one or two of the things (I think with the Martha scene it's the realization that even though he thinks Clark's evil when he thought he was going to die he asked his would be killer to save his mom, something a monster wouldn't do.) That's......not bad but it was conveyed HORRIBLY.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Because monsters don't have moms. Hitler? Nah, he didn't have one. Stalin? Nope. Trump? Nah, no mother to be seen.

      Delete
  9. It's partially that he saw Clark as "inhuman" with no emotions. Clark showing concern for his human mother DID fly in the face of that.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=b-7wn8bDn74

      Delete
    2. You can write all the essays you want convincing yourself it was brilliant, but 'dumb' is a one syllable word that describes it perfectly.

      DUMB!

      Delete